After only two days of this, I can see how my early years were quite formative. It’s no wonder I’m still stuck in singleton status when the first two loves of my life were my brother and ice cream. Granted, there was no wolf to imprint on me, so I’m not quite sure how it could have gone otherwise. But still, that had to have been a harbinger of things to come.
The good news is that by age three I was on my way to becoming a Cosmo girl. It was at this age that I began dressing up to walk the red carpet–er, the fireplace hearth–in front of my family. As you can see from the picture, I had everything a Cosmo girl needs: jewelry, fancy sunglasses, and some bitchin’ threads. Pants with fruit on them were very big back then.
Quite often I made my parents sit on the couch while I modeled my latest fashions. Sadly, though, I somehow lost my way in the years following that third year, the year of my debut as a Cosmo girl. I guess I didn’t have the right manager because my fashion sense deteriorated, culminating in what I can only hope was the low point of my modeling career.
I mean, really, what look was I going for there?
And even today, I think I still match a little too well (can’t take the 80′s girl out of me), and I’m definitely a season or two behind usually. I’m not wearing masks anymore, though, so I’ve got that going for me. But a tiny part of me will always long for the little girl who dreamed of being a Cosmo girl. In her fruit pants, boy, she really had it going on.